A Lasting Lesson from Parents’ Night

It was “Parents’ Night” at our second-grader’s school. As a tribute display for the parents, the children had drawn pictures of activities they have learned at home. My stepson’s drawing was of a woman lighting candles on a rudimentary table. His caption read, “I love that my stepmom lights candles on the table every night for dinner.” I was so touched! That is a tradition I learned from my own dear mother. The teacher caught me smiling and whispered that our boy had learned something else from me. With a twinkle in her eye, she explained that recently he had taken to clutching the hair on his head and exclaiming “This drives me nuts!” when dealing with frustration. When she asked where he came up with that expression, he answered, “My stepmom says it all the time!”

Slightly embarrassed, I admitted that, yes, that is a frequent expression of mine, but inwardly, it was a sharp reminder that our children are always watching and listening. As parents, we truly do shape the values, delights, and emotional responses of our children.

This truth was foremost in my mind as I wrote the manuscript for my new children’s book, I’m Alive, Dear Mama! Specialty ultrasounds show us that before birth, an unborn child respond to mama’s movements, the voices of the child’s parents and older siblings, and even music frequencies. And how much more do our little ones learn from us once they have joined us in the world! I’m Alive, Dear Mama! explores life concepts nurtured in me by my own parents—praying, sleeping, eating, growing, playing, laughing, dancing, singing, crying, and loving. My parents never hid from us the love and respect they had for each other and for me and my two siblings. My love for music and dance was inspired by my parents’ devotion to the same. Our family spent many hours in the living room together dancing to Frank Sinatra tunes played on the furniture-sized stereo record player cabinet. I loved watching my parents dip and twirl to the music. We also spent quiet evenings by the fire listening to operas—my favorite was La Bohème. My father, a physician, told us the opera’s tender love story while the music played—of the heroine, Mimi, who tragically died of tuberculosis. I was only in grade school, but I remember the beautiful music filling my spirit with deep emotions ranging from elation to sorrow and love.

My father also played a bedtime game with my brother, sister, and me that we loved—we called it the Bones Game, which related to a familiar song. He would sing, beginning with the phrase “The head bone is connected to the neck bone . . .” Using his medical knowledge, he would sing through the various bones of the body until he reached the funny bone. Each time we played the game, we never knew when or where in the game the funny bone would be discovered—and of course, that discovery ended in a tickle fest! Our father left us with a lifelong prescription—laughter is indeed the best medicine, no matter what kind of day you are having.

My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and she had a wonderful way of welcoming us home from school with a daily tea party.

On the days she baked a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies, she would hang a magazine ad on the screen door that read, “Someone special just baked Nestlé Toll House Cookies!” It always gave us a big smile when we arrived home to see that sign on the door! Our daily tea parties were not just times to eat but times to unwind after school and to fellowship as a family. They were also an important way for my mother to learn what was going on in our lives at school and with classmates and friendships. I carried on this treasured tradition with my stepson, but instead of chocolate chip cookies, it was a variety of his favorite chips and dips. It was a time we both looked forward to over the years, and I learned much about him and about his successes and disappointments. This daily tradition provided important insights to my husband and me on issues we needed to address before they became problematic in our child’s life.

As parents, the time we spend with our children is crucial both in understanding their needs and in instilling values they will carry forward in their lives. We must be careful and purposeful in how we live as their examples—are we demonstrating confidence or fear? Love or anger? Are we filling our lives with the grace and compassion of Christ so that our children may walk in the same? What picture will your child draw on that paper when asked to express something they have learned at home?

Remember that from their time in the womb forward, our precious children are living, listening, and learning.

Consider a few extra resources:

• Fulfilling the great commission at home
• Three things your kids need today
• The Christian Parenting Podcast: Creating a home where kids thrive with Melissa Kruger